"I'm the boss and can do whatever I want!"

Oh, no!

You want to take the express lane straight to employee disengagement? Start using phrases like this and you most certainly will.

Isn't this the response (or something like it) that we might give when we're strongly questioned by our team, when we're pushed about what we're doing? It's a very defensive sounding statement. I have used statements like this a few times in my career (hopefully not too many times). I had made a statement or ruling or pronounced some "thing" was going to happen or not going to happen and it didn't make sense to my folks. Rightly, they questioned me. I think, because I hadn't made a decision based solidly on facts or because I didn't totally feel confident in what I was deciding or because I had failed to keep my team in the loop (and then they could have helped me ensure I was looking at a situation properly), I got my back up. I felt backed into a corner and I lashed out with, "because I'm the boss, that's why".

What I needed to do was check my ego at the door.

Leaders are not great and wonderful all by themselves. They make mistakes and are not infallible. That's why we have teams...not just to have people to boss around.

We need to challenge our people and let them challenge us (respectfully, both ways). We need to involve them and empower them with responsibility. We need to help them feel like key stakeholders in their jobs or in a project or with some task.

Leading is not about being the boss. Leading is about inspiring and guiding and teaching and pushing our people to excel at their jobs...to make everyone succeed.

No Leader is Perfect

We all know it. Nobody's perfect and that's certainly true for leaders, too. Hopefully most of us want to be the best people we can be and most of us leaders want to be the best leaders we can be. How can we do that?

A couple of things come to mind right away:

1. Introspection. Another word might be self-awareness. Think about your actions for a given time period, a particular group, or a specific person. Reflect on whether or not you think you acted appropriately as a leader and what you might do differently or better in the future. The introspection I'm speaking about should typically be positive. The goal isn't to beat yourself up or to get mad about how someone else acted or treated you. It's about your continuous self-improvement.

2. Solicit feedback. Since perception is reality, our self-perceptions are important. Way more important, though, are the perceptions of those around you...your boss, your team members, your colleagues. Ask them how you're doing and what you can do better. Consider these:

~When you have a 1:1 conversation with a team member and give your feedback and direction, take a few minutes to let them provide feedback for you on what they think you can be doing better. This one definitely needs to have a trusting foundation or your team member will never completely open up, fearing retribution of some kind.
~Find a mentor. This person should NOT be your boss. I've had several bosses who've told me, "well, I mentor you, myself". No they don't. They guide and direct in a vertical relationship. What they do is totally appropriate, but it is not mentoring. In a mentoring relationship with a colleague or some other person you trust, it should be a horizontal relationship and you ought to be able to talk about anything and that includes your boss (how could you not talk about your relationship with your boss, you know?). It's fine for your boss to help you find a mentor, but this should be a confidential relationship where the boss is not involved (of course, confidentiality has it's limits and the expectations should be understood when the mentoring relationship starts).
~Ask your boss. Hopefully, you have a boss who values 1:1 regular discussions with you and you already are receiving thoughtful, constructive feedback already. If you're not, ask for it. I asked a boss one time what I could do better (we had no evaluation or feedback system in place at all). She said she had nothing to tell me and that I was doing great. The problem was that she had no problem telling me how I'd screwed up during the course of business. I think the problem was that she didn't know how to give me feedback so she avoided it. If you have regular feedback and guidance sessions with your boss, you should never be surprised come evaluation time (hopefully you have one). It should just be the culmination of all the work you've done with your boss throughout the evaluation period.

Bottom line: YOU are ultimately responsible for making yourself a better person, employee and leader. To a large extent, you control your destiny. If processes are not in place to help you be better, go seek them out. It's up to you.

Leaders ACT Confident

Now, why would I write that? Why would I write "Leaders ACT Confident" instead of "Leaders ARE Confident"?

Well, leaders should be confident. That's very true. However, the reality is that leaders don't always know what's going on and leaders don't always feel good about how things are going.

As I've also mentioned in an earlier post, leaders are always on display. The troops often take on the characteristics of their leader: fear, confidence, unease, strength.

So, part of our jobs as leaders are to keep our people feeling good that, even if the world around isn't that great (as with our current economy), the boss is in control and is confident of his or her abilities to handle the situation.

I used to tell my leaders 2 things:

1. Be There (I wrote more about this in a previous post)
2. Act like you know what you're doing.

Today, I would add a #3...Act confident, even if you don't feel it. Your people are counting on you.

Private Conversations

It's happened to you, hasn't it? You've had a team member or colleague ask you, "can you keep this between us?" It's not uncommon at all.

Now, if they start off your conversation that way, or with other phrases like, "can you keep a secret?" or "can I tell you something in confidence?, you have the opportunity to stop them right then and say, "you know, I can't tell you for sure until I know what the 'something' is, and then it might be too late so...maybe you might want to hold off."

The reason is that, as a leader, you have loyalty to several people or groups: the person in the conversation, your team, your boss, as well as the organization as a whole. Your ultimate loyalty should always be to the organization as a whole (even more than to your boss) so that can definitely cause a problem.

You're in a better position if someone says, "I probably shouldn't tell you this" because then you can interrupt and say, "then don't tell me". If they insist, ensure they know you can't necessarily keep the conversation in confidence. If they STILL persist, then it's on them.

The problem can arise when the person has already shared with you and then asks for privacy. When you are asked to keep some information in confidence AFTER it's already been shared with you, then you have a potential conundrum. You want to be someone who others can confide in, who others can trust. You may have even expended a lot of effort building a trusting relationship with the people around you...you definitely don't want to screw that up.

The thing is, you have your integrity to consider along with the loyalty. You can't assure confidence and then go ahead and share with someone else even if it is the right thing to do.

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to confidential conversations. Just don't let yourself get backed into a corner when the right thing to do is share the details with the appropriate party.

Bottom Line: Be prepared for conversations like this and set the expectations right up front. The better others know where you stand, the more they'll respect you and your conversations will be easier.

World-Class Feedback

You know, I've spent a fair amount of time writing about providing world-class customer service so now I think it's time to spent a minute on what we should do when we receive it.

OK, really, I'm just going to talk about one great way to reward someone for outstanding service.

I'm someone who has no problem giving constructive feedback -- both positive and the other kind, too. In reality, I rarely provide direct negative feedback to people who don't work for me...unless they ask for it. If they do ask, well, I try to tactfully and unemotionally let them know how I feel and what I think they could do to remedy the situation. Otherwise, if it's someone who is expecting a tip, I'll let my displeasure show in the amount.

HOWEVER, for those few people who just knock my socks off with world-class service, I try to make sure the appropriate people are aware how happy and impressed I am. When I share my feedback about the outstanding service I receive, I attempt to do two things.

1. First, I let my server know. in a restaurant setting, for an example, I personally thank him or her know how much we appreciated the care we received. I also write a note on the restaurant copy of the receipt saying words like "you made my day" or "your great service made our food taste even better" (I got the receipt idea from something I heard Zig Ziglar say).

2. The other thing I try to do is let the manager know. One time, I told someone how great a job she did and she said, "thank you very much, but if you really like the service I provided, please tell my boss." She was right. So whenever I can find a boss or manager or supervisor, I ensure he or she knows about the great service I got and who provided it. It's actually a lot of fun because most managers are used to getting complaints, not compliments. So you say, "are you the manager?" and you can literall sense them tensing up. Then you let them know, "our server was Tom (and they're just waiting for the bomb to drop) and he was really outstanding. Our experience couldn't have been better." Then you see them relax and smile and hopefully you've made their day, too.

We human beings, especially Americans, I think, are so conditioned to complain that we sometimes don't know how to say "thank you" for outstanding service.

When you experience that world-class service, don't waste your chance to foster that great work. Say something.

Soak in With the Enemy

I had a boss in the Army, probably the best boss I ever had in my life, who used to read Sun Tzu's "The Art of War". When he was stressed, he read it and re-read it constantly. I would walk into his office and he would be sitting behind his desk pouring through the book or maybe just holding it up against his forehead like the information was moving through his skull. He would often say, "soak in with the enemy, Captain Hall." He would follow up with, "get inside their heads and think like they do. Know what they think before they do." His point was that you could defeat your enemy if you knew what he was thinking before he did. That way you could anticipate and beat him before he hurt you.

The thing was that many times the enemy was our Commanding General. I don't know if my boss looked at him truly as the enemy although he was an extremely difficult man to deal with. What the General really was, was our customer. My boss was dealing with a very demanding customer.

The way my boss beat the enemy (our General) in the customer service sense was to ask questions, know the General's expectations and what he was thinking, and then respond in such a way as to exceed the General's expectations...in fact to exceed them before the General even fully knew what they were.

My boss was a great role model. He knew his job was to make his customers know that he and his team were the BEST service providers possible. He never, ever quit and when he or we had a down day in the service department, he would ensure we all redoubled our efforts and attacked the enemy again.

So maybe I should say, "soak in with your customers" so you can provide them the absolute best possible service ever.

Credit and Blame

Have you ever had a boss take the credit for your work or the work of your team?

Have you ever made a mistake and then watched your boss, when the **** started hitting the fan, step back, point at you and say "there he is"?

I have.

It sucks.

To me, those are no kind of leaders at all.

I was taught a long time ago, so long ago that I don't remember who taught me, "leaders share the credit and take the blame". I think it must have been back in my Army days. It's a code I've tried to live by for many years. Sometimes I've done better than others.

Sharing the credit. You want to build loyalty among your troops? You want to build up leaders who can carry on in future roles? You want to see your folks flourish? Then get them recognized. When your team (including you) does something great, ensure others know that they did it (not you).

Don't worry. Along with completing the mission, your team is responsible for making you look good. If you take care of them by teaching, coaching, developing and then showcasing them, you won't have any trouble looking G R E A T.

Taking the blame. Your job, as a leader, is to keep the crap off your folks so they can focus on and excel at their duties. Your job is to protect them from outside forces that might harm them. You're the mother hen, the mama bear that ensures your young survive. When your team screws up (and they will), you did it. You let those outside your team know that you take the responsibility and not because you're great, but because it's your job.

Just because you take the blame for one or more of your team when they mess up, it doesn't mean they get away with the mistake. You, as their boss, can provide the coaching and correction needed to get the culprits back on track...but you're doing it inside your team. And, hopefully, as a leader in a position of authority, you've had the opportunity to build some funds in your "credibility bank" so you can take more of the heat from outside than your team member(s) can. You've built up a thick hide so "no worries", right?

So, don't be one of those leaders who says "I" when the good stuff happens. Instead, say "we" or "they". And when the bad stuff happens, you'll have your opportunity to say "I".