The Power of Apologies, Part III (Family/Friends)

This is Part III of a 3-part series I've written on the Power of Apologies. Click here to read Part I and Part II.

Today's post is about the Power of Apologies in regard to relationships with family and friends. I find this part the most difficult of the three because of the parties involved. As people say, we treat the ones we love the worst.

Of course, there are the "amiable" people in relationships who go straight to "I'm sorry" as soon as there's any conflict because they just can't stand it. I don't think they're part of this discourse today.

I'm thinking more of the person who either chooses to get mad because someone is upset with them ("you have no right to be upset with me so I'm going to be mad at you") or kind of feels apathy toward the situation ("You're upset with me for what I did? That's OK. You'll get over it.").

So, when we mess up personally, why is it that we often withhold the apology from those we care for the most? Maybe it's easier to apologize at work or with customers because we know there can be serious ramifications if we don't. Maybe we're tired of being nice to other people all day and don't think we should have to do it with our loved ones, too. Of course, there's the "familiarity breeds contempt" argument where, the better we know people, the more likely we are to see their faults; so why should we have to put up with anything from them?

I was speaking to my wife about the subject this morning and she said she would just love to hear, "you're right and I'm sorry." My best attempt at that is to often say, "you know it's your fault" to which my wife has finally learned to respond, "I know, because it can't be yours." I think it's funny (sort of) and is a way for me to say I'm sorry without admitting it. Needless to say that she just puts up with my "witty banter" and shakes her head. What she'd rather hear is"that was my fault and I'm sorry."

We certainly appreciate it when someone admits responsibility and apologizes (especially if they do so before we have to point it out). I'm sure we know how to use the power of apology at work and with customers so, perhaps, we just need to get in the habit of using that same power with the ones we care for the most. The key here is to be respectful of the people closest to us and exhibit awareness regarding our actions and words when we disagree or we mess up.

I'll keep working at it. What about you?

The Power of Apologies, Part II (Customers)

This is Part II of a 3-part series I'm writing on the Power of Apologies. Click here to read Part I and Part III.

Today, this post is about the power of apologies when it comes making our customers happy. Business calls it "service recovery" and it really is important because happy customers = repeat customers and referrals.

Sooner or later, regardless of how hard we try, we will not meet customer expectations. Maybe we will just fall short of their expectations or maybe we will mess up royally. The first thing out of our mouths should be "I'm sorry." Yesterday, when writing about the power of apologies at work, I said there were people who never say "I'm sorry" unless it's in response to personally messing something up. It's an interesting point and very debatable. HOWEVER, with customers, whether something is our personal fault or not, we must accept responsibility and say we are sorry.

Experts say that happy customers who've had no problems with our organizations are not our most devoted patrons, however. It's not that these people won't purchase from or use our services again. They just haven't experienced the power of the apology.

The power of the apology: there is power in the words "I'm sorry", but the real power comes from the actions we take to recover from our mistakes or even the perceptions of our lapse in service.

The following is my vision of me as a customer who's now a raving fan because of the right service recovery:

I travel all the time so I spend a lot of nights in hotels. This last week, my day had been very long with frustrating travel and meetings that didn't go the way I wanted. I went to the hotel where I've stayed many times because it has a decent rate. Other people in my company stay at a different place and I've been tempted to move, but this one is fine.

I go to my room, set my bags down, and get ready to try and relax. I walk into the bathroom and find that it's not clean. Then I look around and see that the room was not prepared for a new guest...not at all. This is very upsetting to me and tops off a pretty bad day.

I call down to the front desk and let the manager on duty know my situation. I ask for another room. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager arrives and he immediately says "I'm sorry, this is not the way we like to treat our guests. Let me help you move to another room." We get on the elevator and he takes me to my new room. To my surprise, it's not an identical room, but an upgrade. That makes me very happy. Then he tells me, "Again, Mr. Hall, we are very sorry for the inconvenience. Please let me know if this room will meet your needs." I tell him it's great. He then says, "here at XXX, we value you very much. In fact, here's a voucher for a free breakfast. I also want you to know that we will investigate why your original room was dirty and do our best to see that it doesn't occur again for you or for any customer. Please call on me if I can be of any further assistance."

A week later, I received a personal note from the general manager apologizing for my inconvenience, thanking me for my business, and letting me know the issue had been taken care of and steps put into place to ensure my experience was not repeated for me or any other customers. Finally, there was a voucher for a free night's stay at the hotel.

Now, the hotel had just turned me into a raving fan. Why?

• Both managers apologized for the problems.
• The night manager not only fixed the problem, but he gave me a better solution.
• The general manager let me know that the problem had been addressed for the future.
• The GM also provided me something extra for the inconvenience I had experienced.

I was WOWED.

To me, this is ideal service recovery. I was fine with the hotel before my bad experience. However, I am a total fan of the hotel now. I would never consider staying anywhere else because of the great response when things didn't go right for me.

Do you have any other examples of the power of apologies?

The Power of Apologies, Part I (Work)

This is Part I of a 3-part series. Click here to read Part II and Part III.

I've been thinking some about apologies and apologizing lately and how they can affect ourselves and those around us. My wife and I were discussing this and I asked if she thought apologies should be discussed as a whole or broken into different sections like work, customers, family, etc. She suggested that I break them up because we might have different roles with each of the groups I mentioned.

So, over the next several posts, I'm going to write a little about The Power of Apologies: Part I (Work), Part II (Customers), Part III (Family/Friends). Today I'll spend a little time with apologies in the work place.

I'm a big John Wayne movie fan when it comes to his cavalry movies of the 1940s. In one particular movie, "She Wore A Yellow Ribbon", he's Captain Nathan Brittles and he's as hard as his name. He gives about the best chewing out in one scene that I've ever experienced in real life or not. At the end of a particular chewing out, one of his officers says, "I'm sorry, sir". Captain Brittles' reply is "Never apologize! It's a sign of weakness."

I wonder if there's anything to what Captain Brittles said. Don't get me wrong. I think it's stupid to never apologize. Come on, sometimes all it takes to let tension between two people ease is for the "offending" party to apologize. In personal situations, it's never a bad thing to apologize when you're wrong.

Still, what about when people apologize because that's just what the other party wants to hear? What if the plan failed, but you didn't? Do you apologize then? If things just go wrong with an action or plan, I've watched people admit the results might have been disappointing or bad, but they never said "I'm sorry". Why? My guess it that, while it might be easier to say "I'm sorry", there are plenty of people out in the world ready to place blame and to want punishment meted out. They are ready to go for the jugular vein. Maybe that's why Captain Brittles indicated that apologizing is a sign of weakness.

OK, I got off track a little. If you're a boss or supervisor and you mess up, I think it's a sign of strength and not weakness, to apologize when you mess up. There are two big reasons that come to mind:

1. It shows you are human and you can mess up just like your people. You're walking the walk regarding standards you, hopefully, expect of your team members.
2. Once you apologize, perhaps it takes some of the pressure off, so to speak, so you can focus on making improvements instead of being defensive.

It would be kind of weak if you just start whining and apologizing and that's all you ever do. The key is to learn from what you did so you can do better the next time and, not to be judgmental when someone else messes up.

What other positives do you see to apologizing to your people when you make a mistake? Is there anything bad about it?