It's about the people

We had a full weekend. It was my wife's birthday, I had a leadership retreat at church, and then there was the regular stuff you do when you're not working.

Then, there was an extra event at church on Sunday night. It was called "Just Duet" where people who did't usually perform together, collaborated and provided entertainment for the gathering (there was ice cream).

It's not my cup of tea. I'm not one who typically sits around and watches others perform musical arrangements. I had a good excuse. I asked Lisa if she would be upset if I didn't go with her (she likes sitting and listening to music like this). She said, "no, of course not". Instead, I was going to hang out with our son, who was over for the weekend.

Then, at some point before the program, it hit me. The point of the program wasn't the music. The point (including these 2 sub-points) were 1) get people, who didn't know each other very well, to work together and make something pretty and 2) to get people together to spend time and fellowship...in a nutshell, the point was about building relationships.

That's when I changed my mind and decided to attend. The music was great, but that's not why I was there.

It was about the people.

"No Problem is Unique to you"

I've been working through Monday Morning Leadership by David Cottrell for a 2nd time.

On page 19 Tony, the mentor in the story, tells his new "mentee", "When it comes to leading people, there is no problem that is unique to you."

I know there are a few readers out there who are not leaders or managers and some say that what I write about doesn't apply to them because they don't hold one of those positions.

OK, so let me change the quote: "When it comes to relationships with other people, there is no problem that is unique to you." Does that make all of us feel better now?

The point is that human beings are the same the world over. We all have issues with communication, with perceptions, and with sensitivities/sensibilities.

When we have problems with others, whether in leadership or in any kind of relationship (maybe it's with a spouse or with a boss), they are not unique to us.

We can take solace in that. We can hold our heads up high, even when we face problems, because we know we are not alone...and there's probably someone out in our world who we know and who can relate to what we're experiencing.

Fixing a dysfunctional team...from the inside

In my last post, Tascha, the manager I've been writing about, was working on the relationship with her boss, Jim (and before that she was working on building her team...she's been very busy with all that relationship stuff...).

Guess what? Tascha has been working hard on building that relationship with Jim and has had some level of success. It's amazing. Success has definitely led to success for her. First she got positive response from her team and then from Jim. Tascha is on a roll and doesn't want to lose momentum. Therefore she's going after another group where the relationships are pretty dysfunctional -- the one with her peer managers.

You see, Tascha is one of 1/2 dozen managers who report to Jim. One of the reasons Tascha thought Jim was such a jerk was because, instead of working to build a cohesive team with the managers, he seemed to like them to be at odds with each other. Tascha isn't really sure why, but maybe it's because Jim doesn't know what else to do and when the managers are fighting with each other, they're not ganging up on him.

What can Tascha do to help build a team where she's just one of the members and where nobody trusts anyone else? She feels it would be easier to do if she were the boss, but she doesn't want that obstacle to get in the way.

She's looking for guidance. Here are a few ideas (and you've seen them before) with a two-pronged approach:

JIM:

WIIFM (What's in it for me): Help the boss understand how a strong, committed team can help HIM be successful. He needs to understand that people will respond to him (who doesn't like that?) and that this will make him look good and get him promoted (and who doesn't want that?).
Resources: There's a good chance that Jim doesn't know what to do to be a good boss and build a great team. Tascha needs to be willing to share the resources she's found and developed, when building her team, with her boss.
Credit: Tascha has to be OK with Jim getting all the credit for any success and even encourage the limelight being on him. He needs to feel the success and it will hopefully make life better for everyone.

TASCHA WITH PEERS:

Trust: Once bitten, twice shy, so reach out. Tascha needs to take a chance and be open with her fellow managers, but be careful because it might take a while for them to be able to pull their talons back and trust her. A great way to start building/repairing is to do something for each of the other managers while expecting nothing in return. Take small steps and work on one or two of the colleagues at a time.
Empathy: Tascha being able to put herself in the other managers' shoes is key in building any relationship and the effort has to be sincere.
WIIFM: Just like above with Jim, Tascha's coworkers need to understand what's in it for them to build a relationship with her, personally, as well with the rest of the team. You'd think it would be obvious, but unfortunately that's not always the case.

A very big challenge for Tascha is having the finesse and smarts to pull this off. She has to use her leadership skills to help the others feel good about what's happening and maybe even feel like whatever good things are happening are because of them (like it's all their idea).

I have to applaud Tascha. She is definitely working to better her organization and her life both vertically and horizontally. There will always be opportunities for this kind of work in any organization. What about you? Are you ready to be the catalyst for change like Tascha?

What are your thoughts?

Are You Vulnerable?

Are you vulnerable? Vulnerability is a bad idea in business. When you're vulnerable, the concern is that people can take advantage of you. You don't want to look weak.

My mother is a very open and giving person. Sometimes it appears that people take advantage of her. One time, when a friend seemed to be inappropriately using my mother, I asked her, "why do you let her do that? Don't you know she's taking advantage of you?" My mother's response was "people can't take advantage of you if you let them." I thought that was very profound. In other words, people can take advantage of the unwilling or unknowing. However, if we choose to let people do what they do, no one can say they're taking advantage of us...we're letting it happen.

Back to vulnerability. Relationships are about taking chances. Depending on how deep the relationship determines how open we are. The level of openness has a direct corollary: vulnerability.

If you believe you need to have good, solid relationships with your team members, you will have to open yourself up somewhat. When you do that, you make yourself vulnerable to those team members. You make yourself human. You show yourself to be imperfect and that you have flaws (although, they've probably already picked up on some of your flaws from working with you).

Relationships are risky. There's no doubt about it. However, in order to be the servant leader you want to be, in order to develop a sense of trust with your people, and in order to build a group of committed team members, you have to be vulnerable.

What are other risks to being vulnerable? Can you be too open with your people?

Do Your Team Members Come To You?

In times of stress, trial, or other hardships, who do your team members turn to?

Where I live now, most people have at least one relative who can be considered near by and to whom they might go when they have trouble. That isn't the case for everyone in the world. My family and I lived in Germany for 5 years. Family was 6,000 miles away. When we had stresses in our lives, we had to decide who we should talk to.

If your people are experiencing trouble, do they come to you, as their boss? Do you take the time for your folks? Do they know that you care about them as individuals as well as workers? Is there a personal relationship with each of the people directly under your care? Have you developed a culture and climate in your office that lends it to people reaching out, that lets them know it's OK to talk to the boss?

If your people have trouble, do you want them to come to you?

A Man of Success

Albert Einstein once said, "Try not to become a man of success but a man of value."

When you are a professional, whether it be in business, in the government, or part of another organization, you are often pushed to be successful at just about any cost. You've seen it. You've seen people so focused on success that it's all they can do, all they can think about.

How do you measure success? Many of us measure from a perspective of:

• Fame
• Fortune
• Power
• Influence

So many times, these measurements are focused almost solely on ourselves. They can be very selfish and self-serving. I think Einstein is saying that the focus of our lives can't be primarily or even mostly about ourselves. It's just that a life focused totally inward seems kind of an empty existence.

I've mentioned it before: most all the motivational speakers out on the circuit today (people like Zig Ziglar) will say you can't be a true success until you've helped people around you be successful. For the majority of people, possessions don't really make them happy, not long-term, anyway. It's the people around us, people we care about, who do that. It's about relationships and being valuable to others.

"Try not to become a man of success but a man of value." In the end, that's where true success lies.

All Work and No Fun

Don't you love it when a boss makes one of those "encouraging" presentation to the troops? It seems that one of the obligatory bullet points is about having fun: "Work has to be fun!" "One thing we have to be sure we do...is have FUN!" In fact, if workers aren't having fun, they should find another job. Wow, that's such an empty statement. How out of touch or disingenuous are these bosses?

I've never heard one person say "I'm going to fun now" when heading to the office. Work is work and fun is fun. While sometimes they are the same thing (and that's great for those people who feel that way...although one could wonder what the rest of their lives are like if work is the best part of the day), most often they are two very distinct concepts.

While I have trouble with the "work is fun" concept, I do believe we can have fun with our co-workers as well as have rewarding experiences while at the office. I also believe that it's the boss's responsibility to help build an environment where positive events can happen. Two ways I'd like to share are:

1. Do Fun Stuff: I'm not talking about our tasks being fun. You can't count on that. What I am referring to is doing things that will put a smile on the faces of your team:

• Start off your daily huddle, weekly staff meeting, or other event with an activity to get people up and moving. One time, one of our team members made me sing a song because I was called away at the last minute and was "late" for our meeting. I sang "I'm a little teapot" with the motions to go with it. As a boss, you've got to be ready to shed any shred of dignity you have, every once in a while, to show you're human.
• Tell a joke whether it's good or bad (not off-color, though). I used to be known as the Chuck Norris jokester, with a list of really bad jokes that I shared. I can't tell jokes very well and the team heckling me was part of the fun.
• Leave them with a memorable quote. One of my team members always had a quote ready for the end of every meeting. Sometimes they were really memorable and sometimes they weren't, but it was still a positive way to send us back to work.

2. Build on Accomplishments: I always want my team to have a sense of purpose and be proud of what we do. I find it very fulfilling to be part of a team that works hard, meets tough goals, and then gets to see how meeting the goals helps another group or even the entire organization. The key is for the boss to make a big deal about what the team accomplished and let everyone know he or she is proud of them (it's good if you can get your boss to acknowledge the efforts and results, too).

Just like parents telling their kids they love them, bosses can never tell their team members too much that they are winners and that they are proud of them. The key here is to be sincere. If you don't mean it when you praise your people, they'll know.

Am I totally off base about work being fun? What other actions can bosses take to help themselves and their teams have fun at work?

Building Work Relationships

As managers and bosses, you have lots of responsibilities, right? You have to worry about P&L, customer service, staffing issues, etc.

I have another responsibility to add to your list: relationships. You are responsible for relationships. In this post, I'm not writing about relationships outside the organization, like with customers or vendors. I'm talking about relationships inside your organization. So, what relationships are you responsible for? I'll mention 3 primary ones for today:

Team Members: You have people working for you, people you need to guide, direct, encourage, teach, etc. It's very hard to do a good job at any of these facets of management without having a positive relationship with your people. Oh, you can be a boss without having much of a relationship with your team, but you want folks who are committed to the group and the mission, not just compliant. A positive relationship is required to have committed people...and it's your responsibility to develop it. I know that relationships are two-way, but you are the boss so the responsibility is yours. See my post on coaching and 1:1 meetings for ways to build team member relationships.

Peers/colleagues: All bosses should be busy (let's assume you all are) and don't have a lot of free time at work. Add to it that, more and more often, people work in less proximity to each other (especially managers). It's very easy to have very little to do with your peers. Maybe you get on conference calls with them periodically or you see them at regional or company meetings, but often there are very few times peers get together. So, how do you develop relationships with other managers, most of whom are not physically near you? Pick up the phone. Make an effort to talk with your colleagues, see how they're doing, ask their input on something you're doing, etc. Teamwork doesn't just have to happen in one branch, team or project group. Teamwork can happen when peers and colleagues have relationships established and then can call on each other when the occasion arises.

Bosses: I know I just mentioned, above, that supervisors are responsible for relationships with their people. I do believe they have the primary responsibility. Still, you're a professional, aren't you? You don't have to wait for your boss to establish communication in order for you to reach out. Find out how you can help him or her be successful. Volunteer to help with a project or item that your boss is working on. Be ready to give your input on an issue (even solicit the opportunity)...check in with your boss to see if he or she is doing OK. There's a good chance that your boss is also challenged in relationships with peers and colleagues and could use a friendly, trustworthy ear. You may have the opportunity to be that resource.

Positive relationships can definitely impact an organization, maybe even being a key factor in its success. As a manager and boss, it's your responsibility to help build and encourage those relationships. What other ways can you think of to build relationships inside an organization?