Passive-Aggressives

There are a certain number of people we deal with, whether in our personal or professional lives, who deal with most situations in a passive-aggressive way. There is another segment of the population who occasionally deal with problems in a passive-aggressive way.

What do I mean by this behavior? It's passive resistance or covert obstructionism. It's behavior that consciously on unconsciously fights demands for adequate performance in work or social situations. It can be caused by people feeling they're being judged or by generally fighting authority. It's just not overt, either because the person doesn't feel he or she is free to express feelings or because the person is uncomfortable with confrontation. It can definitely get in the way of progress.

Some examples are:

1. Procrastination
2. Stubbornness
3. Sullenness
4. Inefficiency

We can't escape it. It's present in our teammates, in our employees, in our bosses, and in our families. So, what do we do?

1. First, we respectfully address it with the other individuals. How direct we are depends on the person and our relationship with them (this is tricky with bosses and may never work or even be worth trying to fix when we have no leverage). It's critical that we focus on the behavior, not the self-worth of the individual. It's not the person we are having difficulty with, it's the behavior.
2. We share our perceptions and solicit theirs. We try to understand their viewpoint and hopefully get them to see ours. We have to be willing to suspend our beliefs during the perception-gathering phase.
3. We should think about our potential role in the behavior. Are we being so heavy-handed in the relationship that the only way the person believes he or she can deal with us is to respond in a passive-aggressive way?
4. Once we have shared our thoughts, if the other person agrees that the behavior exists, we should be willing to help them as they try to fight it, perhaps by reminding them when it is occurring. If the person is a direct report at work, we can revisit the behavior as we periodically meet for our 1:1 sessions. We can also support them if they seek professional help to overcome the behavior.
5. If the person cannot see the behavior (and we still believe it exists) or acknowledges it, but is unwilling to make any behavior modifications, then we either need to learn to live with the behavior (only in personal, boss, or peer situations) or take steps to remove the person from our team or from our interactions.
6. The one thing I don't think we can afford to do, especially in a work environment, is overlook the behavior.

Passive-aggressive behavior is totally unproductive. It's our responsibility to wisely work to address the behavior so it will not impede our responsibilities.

How do you deal with passive-aggressive behavior? It is as big a problem as I appear to see it?

I'll work on my procrastination when I get around to it.

There's never a better time than now. It's just that procrastinators are likely to put off trying to fix their problems with procrastination.

We know it's a bad habit. We know we shouldn't do it. We know we need to be more productive. So how can we master the procrastination problem?

Perhaps the first step we could take is to figure out what is causing the procrastination. Is it just that we lack self-discipline, in general? If so, that's a way bigger issue than procrastination regarding a particular task. For self-discipline issues, I recommend you read Steve Pavlina's blog series on developing self-discipline. Let's take a look at other reasons we may be putting off handling a task or tasks:

Stress: When we're stressed, we often have a tough time focusing on the tasks we need to accomplish. We need to figure out what's stressing us out so we can remove the stress and get back on track.

Overwhelmed: Similarly to stress, when we have too much to do, we don't keep our eyes on the ball very well. We need to take a breath, step back, and prioritize. Every task hopefully doesn't have to be completed today. We can also take a look to see what tasks we might be able to share with others (you know, teamwork).

Don't understand: Often we procrastinate when we don't know how to do the task and are afraid to ask. Intimidation can get in the way, for sure. We don't want to look stupid. I advise others that you don't look stupid when you ask questions. It's when you don't ask questions and then can't get the job done that you look stupid.

People Issues: Sometimes we procrastinate because whoever we have to partner or coordinate with is someone we don't like, someone we have trouble relating to, or someone who makes us feel uncomfortable. Regardless, someone else is in the way. There's no rule that says we get to like who we work with. Often, dislike or discomfort stems from lack of communication. We need to act like mature professionals and put aside our biases because the other person is probably not going away and the task definitely isn't going away.

Are there other reasons that cause us to fall into the procrastination trap? What do you have to overcome to get tasks completed on time?