Reasoning: Listen to Abe

Abraham Lincoln said, "When I'm getting ready to reason with a man, I spend 1/3 of my time thinking about myself and what I'm going to say, and 2/3 thinking about him and what he's going to say."

On the surface, he could have been referring merely to active listening. You know, to get the most out of a conversation, you need to set your ideas aside, keep your mouth shut and let the other person talk.

That answer is a fine one. I wonder, too, if we should focus on the word, "reasoning" to capitalize on President Lincoln's deeper point. I think he means "reasoning" in the sense of talking with or persuading another person logically and persuasively.

One might conclude that, in order to be the most successful in reasoning with another individual, we need to understand the ideas that the other person holds true. We need to endeavor to glean the point of view and be open to discussing it.

The way we can best do this is to actively listen and try to exhibit an empathetic spirit, even if (especially if) we don't agree with the point or points the other person is embracing.

How can we expect to persuade another to our point of view if we're not willing to be open to discussion and understanding? How can we be effective with our ideas if we don't understand the background and contexts? It can be extremely uncomfortable, yet very effective.

What do you think?

Passive-Aggressives

There are a certain number of people we deal with, whether in our personal or professional lives, who deal with most situations in a passive-aggressive way. There is another segment of the population who occasionally deal with problems in a passive-aggressive way.

What do I mean by this behavior? It's passive resistance or covert obstructionism. It's behavior that consciously on unconsciously fights demands for adequate performance in work or social situations. It can be caused by people feeling they're being judged or by generally fighting authority. It's just not overt, either because the person doesn't feel he or she is free to express feelings or because the person is uncomfortable with confrontation. It can definitely get in the way of progress.

Some examples are:

1. Procrastination
2. Stubbornness
3. Sullenness
4. Inefficiency

We can't escape it. It's present in our teammates, in our employees, in our bosses, and in our families. So, what do we do?

1. First, we respectfully address it with the other individuals. How direct we are depends on the person and our relationship with them (this is tricky with bosses and may never work or even be worth trying to fix when we have no leverage). It's critical that we focus on the behavior, not the self-worth of the individual. It's not the person we are having difficulty with, it's the behavior.
2. We share our perceptions and solicit theirs. We try to understand their viewpoint and hopefully get them to see ours. We have to be willing to suspend our beliefs during the perception-gathering phase.
3. We should think about our potential role in the behavior. Are we being so heavy-handed in the relationship that the only way the person believes he or she can deal with us is to respond in a passive-aggressive way?
4. Once we have shared our thoughts, if the other person agrees that the behavior exists, we should be willing to help them as they try to fight it, perhaps by reminding them when it is occurring. If the person is a direct report at work, we can revisit the behavior as we periodically meet for our 1:1 sessions. We can also support them if they seek professional help to overcome the behavior.
5. If the person cannot see the behavior (and we still believe it exists) or acknowledges it, but is unwilling to make any behavior modifications, then we either need to learn to live with the behavior (only in personal, boss, or peer situations) or take steps to remove the person from our team or from our interactions.
6. The one thing I don't think we can afford to do, especially in a work environment, is overlook the behavior.

Passive-aggressive behavior is totally unproductive. It's our responsibility to wisely work to address the behavior so it will not impede our responsibilities.

How do you deal with passive-aggressive behavior? It is as big a problem as I appear to see it?

Purposeful management

I like to share with managers who I've trained that they need to manage, do their jobs, and lead people on purpose, not by accident.

I teach about thoughtful management instead of thoughtless doing. I even say I'd rather break the rules on purpose any day, with thought behind my decisions, than just go about my daily routine in a thoughtless manner. I want the managers and their teams to be successful because of their actions, not to just squeak by because of thoughtlessness.

How can one be a purposeful manager?

• Think before you act: Do a quick, cost-benefit analysis and weigh your options, but don't linger. Purposeful managers are decisive.
• Plan: As they say, "failing to plan is the same thing as planning to fail" (sorry, couldn't help myself...had to share it).
• Train and Execute: Ensure you and your team know what they're doing and and then that they follow their training.
• Review: Go back periodically and look at what you and your team has done and not done so you can make corrections moving forward.

I never want to be known as someone who flies by the seat of his pants. As Charles Emerson Winchester, a character from the TV show M*A*S*H, said during one episode: "I do one thing, I do it very well, and then I move on." Ditto to that, Charles, except that we often don't have the luxury of focusing on only one thing at a time. Still, I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to convey here.

What other ways do you know of to manage purposefully?

What are you building?

As leaders, we should constantly be building. We should be building up our people, we should be building relationships. We should be building on our successes - on what works for our team and our organization. We should be looking at what's not working and see if we can build something positive from whatever is lacking.

What is making me write all this? Well, I guess it's because I read a lot of blogs and that means I read a fair amount of ranting posts...ranting about what we don't like, what we think is wrong with other people or organizations, and what somebody needs to fix. I've even ranted a few times, myself. Ranting is probably cathartic at times, but when you step back and look at it, does ranting get you anywhere long-term?

So, what's our direction? We should ask ourselves that question on a regular basis. What's our direction? Are we moving forward? Are we marking time, stagnant in our work and maybe our lives? Or worse yet, are we moving backward, moving downward away from the positive parts of existence?

Each of us only has so much time on this earth. While we don't need to get maudlin about our lives as we age, it's not something we can just dismiss. At least it shouldn't be. If we're blessed with leadership qualities, we have a responsibility - no - mission to help build whenever we have the chance. People are looking to their leaders for direction and it's up to us to point them in the right way.

What are you building? What's your direction? If you don't know, give it some thought and get moving...forward.

Listen to your gut

People talk about listening to their gut. What do you think they're referring to? For me, when I say I'm listening to my gut on an issue, it means I'm paying heed to my:

• Intuition
• Experience
• Awareness of the situation

Am I suggesting that we throw reason out the window? No, of course not. You need reason and facts to make an informed decision. It's just that, when you combine those elements with your gut, you often have a strong basis for doing or not doing something.

Once you're used to working with what your gut tells you, then you should be able to "listen" to what it has to share. I know from personal experience that when I don't listen to what my gut's telling me regarding a situation, I'm on shifting sand.

If your gut tells you to take an action, when the facts or reason don't, you may want to go back and recheck those facts or rethink that reason. If your gut tells you, "walk away quickly" from a situation, you need to think hard before you move ahead and go against what your experience is reminding you.

Intuition isn't the be all and end all, but if you listen properly, it can be a valuable component of your leadership toolkit.

What do you think about listening to your gut? When has it helped you out? When has it steered you wrong?