So, for those of us who need or want to connect with others, be they strangers or just people we don't know very well, there's a quick, easy way to accomplish our goal. The answer is to talk about the other person's favorite subject. 99% of the time that favorite subject is them and their lives. We probably can't connect with that other 1% so let's focus on the majority of the people out there.I was at a family reunion a couple of years ago. I found myself sitting next to the husband of one of my cousins (we'll call him Barry). I didn't know the man very well at all. Pretty much, all I knew was his name. I guess I had a few choices. I could move to another spot on the patio and speak with a relative who I knew better, I could just sit there, or I could engage the man in conversation. I chose the latter.
I let the spotlight (as author Leil Lowndes calls it) shine on Barry. We talked about his work, family, hobbies, etc. and it was a pretty enjoyable conversation. I just made up my mind, at the beginning of the conversation, that we weren't going to focus on me. Every time the "spotlight" shifted in my direction, I gently pushed it back at Barry. Like CBS correspondent, Steve Hartman, says in his feature series of the same name, "Everybody has a story." So did Barry.
Before I knew it, Barry and I had spoken about 2 1/2 hours. I learned a lot more about a relative and he seemed to like it that someone was interested in hearing about his life (we all would like it, right?). I felt like we both came away from the conversation with a better understanding of the other and that's a good thing.
We can use this approach with just about anybody. We just have to be willing to NOT be center-stage for a few minutes. The results can be huge whether our conversation partner is a client, a colleague, a relative, or just a stranger.
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