Reality Filters...here, take one

Wait, you already have one. So do I.

Reality filters are the way human beings see themselves and the world around them (you can also call them "points of view"). They are like snowflakes where every one is different from the others even if minutely so. Filters are comprised of many things, like results of:

• Upbringing and influence (manipulation) of others
• Environment
• Significant events in life
• Likes and dislikes

One could argue there are multiple realities, you know, that everyone has his or her own reality (this may be the genesis of the "perception is reality" phrase; I don't know).

The other possibility that I think of is that there is one reality, but none of us see it totally clearly and definitely not the same as anyone else around us. That's because we see reality through our unique filters.

If we look at it from a leadership or teamwork view, filters can be good when we use them to create, like in a project team, because each of us can bring our own perspective to the group. Filters in the form of wisdom can be great as we act as teachers and mentors imparting our perspective on a problem, issue, or challenge.

However, filters can be bad when our views and outlook diminish those around us. Filters can hinder progress when they halt or slow down creativity. Filters can cause us to discriminate. Filters can cause us to think more or less of ourselves than we should and can have the same effect as we look at those we lead, collaborate with, or even work for.

Filters aren't going away. We'll always have them. So, how can we ensure our filters are used only for good? Is it enough that we are aware of them, so we may try to understand how they affect our views and ideas? Can "suspending our assumptions" like I mentioned in my last post help us overcome the negative aspects of our filters?

Suspend Your Assumptions...

You know, many of us think, when we're not really thinking, that we can do it all ourselves and we really don't need help or input from others, like our team.

In reality, we know that's just not true. We need dialogue, we need brainstorming, we need dynamic conversation in order to often come up with the most robust solution to an issue, problem, or project.

Problem is, when we think we already know the answers or that our guesses are better than anyone else's thoughts, we can stop listening. When we stop listening, our solutions can be very limited because we're missing out on potentially great input from others.

We have to be confident and open enough to entertain to possiblity that our personal ideas are incorrect or imperfect. Peter Senge, in his book, "The Fifth Discipline", writes about suspending our assumptions.

When we "suspend" our assumptions, we're not throwing them out or saying that they're wrong. We're just admitting that it's possible a colleague might have an even better solution to the problem or project and that could to the BEST solution for everyone.

So what if our idea isn't the best? Is having a great result all about us? Or is it about the team, about the organization...maybe about the customer?

Suspending our assumptions temporarily allows us to actively listen and explore many more possibilities than we may have ever imagined.

Have you ever seen where your assumptions or the assumptions of your boss or one of your team members got in the way of a potentially better solution than the forerunner? Have you ever seen where pushing assumptions has caused others to shut down? How hard do you think it is to suspend assumptions, just for a little while, until all the ideas have been given their due?

Opinion as Fact

Whew. There are a long list of ways to quickly disengage others from a conversation. In fact, I think I probably know of many more ways to disengage others than to engage them.

One biggie is stating our opinions as facts. We all do it, don't we? We have a current reality that works for us, whether we like that reality or not. I think that subconciously we may just assume that our reality is THE reality even though, if asked in detail about it, we'd realize that everyone has a reality or maybe that we all see THE reality through our own filters (more on filters in another post...I'm saving it for later).

When we get into a discussion, especially a lively one, some people seem to state their reality as the only one that exists, or maybe worse, the only one that matters. When they are calm and rational, they know that is just not the case, but when they're passionate about an issue or a person or an idea, they can quickly take their side as THE side.

Do you ever state your opinion as fact? Think about it and think about how others react if you do it. What are ways we can help keep this "monster" in check?

Blame is way overrated

As soon as a mistake is made, what do many of us do? We rush to lay blame at the feet of the offender.

What does that do for us? It makes us feel better because there's no heat on us so that must elevate our position.

What does that do for the organization? It certainly DOES NOT move the organization forward.

In fact, the ART of Blame (and some of us do excel at that art) is, unless you're using it to help you get rid of an employee, just a waste of time...time that you're not using to fix problems and move the team or organization forward.

Peter Senge, in his book, "The Fifth Discipline", talks about how blame is so common and that we all look for opportunities to assign it. Then it's not our problem...it's someone else's. Check out this link reviewing " The Fifth Discipline" (it's hands-down the best learning book I've ever read).

Anyway, when something goes wrong or someone makes a mistake, we need to step back and think before pointing fingers. If we look at our world from a systematic approach and how we fit into our team or organization or world, rather than place blame, we need to look at how we could have positively affected the outcome. Just like we like to figure out our part in an event when it goes well, we need to ask ourselves what part we had to play or what part we could have played in an event that went way wrong. This way we're not making someone the problem; instead we're part of the solution.

Would we all like to be part of the solution where everyone is successful? Isn't that a much better way to work and live than trying to build ourselves up by tearing someone else down?

So let me ask you, does your organzation or team excel at placing blame? Do you ask yourself what you could have done to help another succeed instead of jumping on the "blame bandwagon"? How can organizations move past blame and move ahead toward shared success?

There's really nothing new to be said...

Is there? Is there anything new to be said about any of the topics I like to talk about: Leadership, Coaching, Service?

There have been brilliant minds throughout history that have thought and written and spoken about all these topics. True, the ideas have probably been refined and realigned as civilization has done the same. Still, have any new revelations surfaced recently, at least in our lifetime?

I don't think so.

So, how come we spend SO MUCH time on these subjects? We still write books, and give lectures and have workshops. Why?

Is it because, except for a few very rare people, leadership, coaching, and service are learned skills? Is it that with every new generation of humans coming into the world, we have to start them at the beginning?

Maybe it's that leadership and coaching and service have to be taught just like a child learning to tie his shoes, or a little kid learning how to ride her bike.

I guess we just rebadge and repackage based on current reality, on current society, on current culture. Because, deep down, we humans may be basically decent, but we're inherently self-centered and leadership, coaching, and service, if performed properly, are each about others, about advancing other people.

Advanced as we've become as a human race, we still have to start over with every generation, with every new person.

A new generation is coming and we need to get back at it.

Service is Important, but Don't be a Service Nazi

I was at dinner with my son on Saturday evening. We went to a local restaurant where we hadn't eaten in a while.

The restaurant was fairly empty and we were seated pretty fast. Then, however, it took a couple of minutes for our server to start with us and that didn't make any sense because things seemed quiet. I started getting a little irritated and said, "if we get to 5 minutes of waiting, we're out of here"; my son said, "Calm down. We're not in a rush and everything is fine." Turns out he was right. Once our server got to us (about a minute later) he gave us great service and our food was pretty good, too.

I've spent a lot of the last few years being a fanatic about service, about wowing the customer and working to give them a world-class experience.

The downside is that I can often be looking for what's wrong. I remember asking a doctor one time why he was always so negative and he told me, "because I've been taught to look for what's wrong". I think this may have been happening to me some lately. I've been looking so hard for someone to either wow me...or conversely to piss me off (and the "piss me off" part of the chart is way bigger than the "wow me" part), that I am sometimes forgetting to relax and let things be ok.

Service is important...in fact, it's very important. Still, we have to keep things in perspective and we don't have to be evil, pissy Nazis about service.

Again, we have to think about what's reasonable.

Enjoy your dinner.

Could They Perform if Their Lives Depended on it?

I was recently reading an article in the Great Leadership blog: "Managing 'Bad Apples' is Key to Productivity" and enjoying the comments as well as the article. It reminded me of what I had discussed as part of my series on coaching back in June: Everyday Coaching, Part I:, Definition, Purpose, and Application.

In this first part of the series, I reflected on the thoughts of Drs. Lois Frankel and Karen Otazo who wrote:

"Could this employee do the job if his or her life depended on it?"

If the answer is "no", then you need to train your employee.

If the answer is "yes", then someone has an attitude problem and coaching might be a great way to help fix that problem.

When we start thinking about employees and how they're performing (and maybe whether any of them are "bad apples"), we need to understand our role in their performance and ensure we're setting them up for success.

If there's an issue, we need to ask ourselves the question above and either train or coach to resolve the issue. We also MUST ensure our employee knows what is expected of him or her. How can he or she perform, if the expectations aren't clear?

I'm sure there are "bad apples" out in the business world, but we need to ensure we've done everything possible to help our employee succeed before we stick him or her with that label.